Letting Go

This post is probably going to be pretty heavy and probably all over the place, I apologize in advance. And I don't plan on all my posts being so serious, this one just resonates with me at the very moment.

A couple weeks ago, my family had the final estate sale at my late grandparents' house. They had a "family preview" the day before it was opened to the public where we could have one final look through everything and could purchase whatever we wanted to keep. It was weird, to put it bluntly. I know it is just stuff, but knowing that some stranger would come to own some of the things really broke my heart. Their house is where many of my cousins spent time together. Whether it be "Gram-Pa Camp" after school or during the summer, holidays, the monthly birthday get-together...etc.

I felt both of my grandparents presence all around us when we were there, and it was heartbreaking. I found some of my grandmother's junk jewelry, which she wore constantly, and purchased 4 necklaces. I have been wearing them quite a bit the past week or so. I know it seems silly, but they give me comfort. I know that they are both in a better place. Gram has been waiting to be reunited with Pa for 14 years, and my uncle, Jim, for 6 years. And they are now together, at last. I find amazing comfort in that fact.

Gram struggled for the past few years with sadness due to the loss of her husband and then her eldest son. Spending time with her great grandchildren the past 7 years was the source of most of her joy. After Gram passed away in December of last year, my brother, Bryan, recommended that we watch Justin Timberlake's video for "Mirrors" and think of our Gram and Pa. If you didn't know, JT wrote this song for his late grandparents. Watching the video (for the most part) and putting it into that context really broke me down the first time.

Gram has been very prevalent in my dreams lately. In many different circumstances and scenarios. Several weeks ago, I attended an "Angel Messages" meeting (not really sure what else to call it) at my step-mom's house. Basically, you write a question or two on a sheet of paper and address it to someone, or several people. Long story short, my Gram came and talked to me. Now, I know this probably sounds very silly to many people. I went into this situation not knowing what I believed about it, and came out a convert. I was raised a fairly strict Catholic, and these types of things weren't really discussed or entertained. Unless you are able to experience something like this on your own, no one can probably convince you of the validity of the messages.

Anyway, she came and spoke to me. Apparently, this was rare because she had passed away so recently, and spirits usually take longer to communicate after they have passed. And I am convinced it was because Gram had a VIP express pass to heaven...anyone that knew her would totally agree! She answered all of the questions that I wrote on the sheet of paper, and gave me some very good advice. Ryan and I both broke down when she was relaying the message- it is kind of embarrassing to think back on how emotionally we both reacted...but it is what it is.

I have found a level of peace that I didn't think was possible after Gram's passing. I truly believe that her coming to speak to me was a way of her letting me know that everything was OK. That letting go was good, and the sooner I could let go of that pain, the better I would be.