Journey to Baby Boy Senters

Ryan and I have debated about sharing our journey to becoming parents. It is such a personal experience, that we have kept it pretty close to the chest. And, don't worry, we all know where babies come from, that is not to what I am referring! :-P Since we are now in our 2nd trimester, we thought it would be a good time to share the experience publicly.

On Ryan's birthday weekend in August of 2009, we made the conscious decision to start trying to have a baby. We had been married for going on 7 years, and felt that the time was right. We basically ceased trying to stop pregnancy, and just went about our lives as normal. And being bright eyed and bushy-tailed assumed something would happen at anytime. There was no reason for us to think otherwise. We were both healthy and still young (Ryan 30, Melissa 29).

After about a year with no results, Ryan and I decided to start to track and try to figure out how to chart and all those things that would aid us in our journey. I started taking ovulation tests, and taking temperatures. We starting timing things. It became a science. But, we knew the end game would make all the counting and charting worth it. And so, this process went on for another year (its now 2011), still nothing. Struggling with discouragement, we sat down and discussed the options of going to get tested. This was one of the scariest conversations. No one wants to entertain the idea that something could be wrong with you to where you wouldn't be able to have children. It is the most natural thing that we could ever do as a human, and what reason would there be for us to struggle?

Some further discussions and soul searching later, we made an appointment at Tulsa Fertility Center. Diagnostic tests were scheduled, and we each gave blood so many times we could probably just walk up to the lab and prick ourselves successfully! Ryan had his one fertility test done, and I had quite a few more to schedule. Don't you love how complicated the female reproductive system is!?! I had to time several blood tests so that I could have them done during certain times of my cycle. And then I had to schedule an HSG (hysterosalpingogram) test. That was a fun one. They basically inject dye into your uterus and then X-ray where the dye travels. Ideally, the dye will travel up both fallopian tubes, and helps to identify if there are any blockages or other issues that would prevent an egg from moving down the tube and into the uterus. Apparently, my right side was identified as "sluggish", but the dye made the travel eventually. So, no significant issues.

When we got all the results of our tests we were very nervous, naturally. But also, excited. Because if we could identify what the issue was, then we could start to find a way to work around it. In the meeting with our doctor we found out that my endocrine levels (generated by your pituitary gland) were high, and that my thyroid was also high. The doctor prescribed two different medications to treat these elevations. But, other than that, neither of us had identifiable issues with our reproductive systems. And we were officially diagnosed with "Unexplained Infertility". In the world of fertility issues...this is probably the worst diagnosis you could get (at least that is how it felt to us, I am sure that there are worse out there). Because there is no treatment for it.

The doctor went over our different fertility treatment options. Of course, we had heard of IVF (in vitro fertilization: surgically extracting an egg from the female, and then joining of the egg and sperm in a lab dish and then inserting the fertilized egg back into the female; costing anywhere from $7500-10,000), but we were pretty clueless about any other options. Our doctor let us know about IUI (intrauterine insemination: taking a sperm sample from the male and then priming and cleaning it for injection directly into the female during ovulation time). IUI definitely held some allure for us, for multiple reasons. IVF is a fairly invasive and definitely expensive procedure. IUI was a much simpler, and cheaper (expected to be approx $1500-2000 depending on several factors). We scheduled the IUI! And we were excited about it. One of the first active steps in our fertility journey.

So, we went back to charting our cycle and started the process. I went in for an ultrasound to ensure that my follicles were the right size. Of course, they weren't. I was given some Clomid (supports ovulation) to take and asked to come back in another 3 days for another ultrasound. I was then prescribed hormone injections using a Follistem pen (this was another $350 added to our tab). That was fun. After using the hormones for another 3 days, I had yet another ultrasound (did I mention that each ultrasound cost us $380?!?). By this time, I was pretty late into my cycle and my follicles were barely large enough for the procedure, but they scheduled it anyway. Ryan went in and gave his sample, and later the next day I was in for the procedure. On about day 29 of my cycle I went back for a pregnancy test. Negative.

We were beyond discouraged. This seemingly simple procedure had been such a cluster for us we weren't sure what to do or think about it. Ultimately, we decided to take a couple of cycles (months) off before attempting to do another procedure.

Wow...this post is getting quite a bit longer than I had anticipated. So...I'll start to summarize a little bit more. :) Basically, we did a second procedure. It started with the hormone injections and Clomid pills, and went just as planned. But, alas, no baby. We again took some time off to try to relax, and let's be honest- try to save some more money! After a few months (it is now early 2013), we basically did the entire thing the same as the second go around. Only change was the amount of hormones was increased by quite a bit. Procedure done, yadda yadda yadda...negative once again.

After this last letdown, we made the decision to get back to basics. Back to charting our cycles and just trying the old fashioned way. I decided by June of 2013 that I needed to get healthier. So, as you have seen in my previous posts and probably hundreds of FB status updates, I ended up losing 21 lbs and felt amazing! Ryan and I had decided to start seriously looking into our options for IVF starting in the summer of 2014, after I was done with school in May. But at the end of February, my step-mom Nancy invited us over to participate in her "psychic" lady's experience. (I still don't know what to call it!) Long story short, my recently passed Gram came and spoke to me that being a mother was in my "life book". That it may not be the top of my list, but it is on the list. That we needed to relax, have more sex, and not worry. Yes...she said that part about sex, it was pretty funny. After hearing this from her, something in me must have clicked. I relaxed. I felt confident in our journey that we would eventually get to where we desired to be.

The following weekend we made a trip down to Austin, TX to see some good friends. Little did we know...we would be conceiving our little boy that same weekend!!! Merely a week after my grandmothers visit. I am a pretty open minded person, and even I was skeptical about that experience from the beginning. No longer. I firmly believe that the 2 incidents are connected. So, finally, after 4 years of trying to have a baby Ryan and I were going to be blessed with a little baby boy. We had a name already picked out and everything. 

Egan Conley Senters, expected December 11, 2014.

Egan is the maiden name of my late Gram (that came and visited via the psychic lady in late February); Josephine Marie Egan.

Conley is Ryan's grandfather's middle name; Edward Conley Goodman.

We couldn't be happier, and feel that we have been truly blessed. We still have a way to go, as we are right at 17 weeks along in the pregnancy. Your good thoughts and prayers are continually appreciated. Thank you so much for reading this extremely long blog. We are so glad to finally be able to share this journey...and the happy ending is still to come! :)

Letting Go

This post is probably going to be pretty heavy and probably all over the place, I apologize in advance. And I don't plan on all my posts being so serious, this one just resonates with me at the very moment.

A couple weeks ago, my family had the final estate sale at my late grandparents' house. They had a "family preview" the day before it was opened to the public where we could have one final look through everything and could purchase whatever we wanted to keep. It was weird, to put it bluntly. I know it is just stuff, but knowing that some stranger would come to own some of the things really broke my heart. Their house is where many of my cousins spent time together. Whether it be "Gram-Pa Camp" after school or during the summer, holidays, the monthly birthday get-together...etc.

I felt both of my grandparents presence all around us when we were there, and it was heartbreaking. I found some of my grandmother's junk jewelry, which she wore constantly, and purchased 4 necklaces. I have been wearing them quite a bit the past week or so. I know it seems silly, but they give me comfort. I know that they are both in a better place. Gram has been waiting to be reunited with Pa for 14 years, and my uncle, Jim, for 6 years. And they are now together, at last. I find amazing comfort in that fact.

Gram struggled for the past few years with sadness due to the loss of her husband and then her eldest son. Spending time with her great grandchildren the past 7 years was the source of most of her joy. After Gram passed away in December of last year, my brother, Bryan, recommended that we watch Justin Timberlake's video for "Mirrors" and think of our Gram and Pa. If you didn't know, JT wrote this song for his late grandparents. Watching the video (for the most part) and putting it into that context really broke me down the first time.

Gram has been very prevalent in my dreams lately. In many different circumstances and scenarios. Several weeks ago, I attended an "Angel Messages" meeting (not really sure what else to call it) at my step-mom's house. Basically, you write a question or two on a sheet of paper and address it to someone, or several people. Long story short, my Gram came and talked to me. Now, I know this probably sounds very silly to many people. I went into this situation not knowing what I believed about it, and came out a convert. I was raised a fairly strict Catholic, and these types of things weren't really discussed or entertained. Unless you are able to experience something like this on your own, no one can probably convince you of the validity of the messages.

Anyway, she came and spoke to me. Apparently, this was rare because she had passed away so recently, and spirits usually take longer to communicate after they have passed. And I am convinced it was because Gram had a VIP express pass to heaven...anyone that knew her would totally agree! She answered all of the questions that I wrote on the sheet of paper, and gave me some very good advice. Ryan and I both broke down when she was relaying the message- it is kind of embarrassing to think back on how emotionally we both reacted...but it is what it is.

I have found a level of peace that I didn't think was possible after Gram's passing. I truly believe that her coming to speak to me was a way of her letting me know that everything was OK. That letting go was good, and the sooner I could let go of that pain, the better I would be. 

be·lief (biˈlēf/): trust, faith, or confidence in someone or something.

Religion and politics. They are everywhere! Facebook has been riddled with status updates, articles, and comments that either promote or deny both subjects so often that I have a hard time ignoring them anymore. I don't know that I have ever (Maybe a few times, I can't really claim "never" without researching to verify. And I'm too lazy for that.) posted about these topics on Facebook. I tend to think that these topics are personal, and not for another person to judge or question. Maybe that thought comes from the fear of being judged or questioned about something I am not able to answer. That is all very possible. Ultimately, I still feel they are a personal topic. That said, I have the overwhelming urge to blog about religion/faith/beliefs. Kind of ironic! :)

I grew up in a fairly strict Catholic family. Went to church at St. Pius X every single Sunday. All 5 kids in our best Sunday attire sitting in the exact same pew, week after week. We weren't allowed to go to the "day care" provided by the church, we attended every single mass. I guess you could say the "fear of God" was strong in us at that age. Maybe it was more the "fear of Dad or Gram"...either way, it was there.

St. Pius X Church...this was our view every Sunday, but about 8 rows up from here.

We could cite the entire mass, and still can (the old school mass, not the new "with your spirit" nonsense). All the parishioners knew us by name, and many of them had children or grandchildren in our class. We attended St. Pius X Catholic School from kindergarten until 8th grade. Needless to say, we knew everyone! Our family had a very strong presence in the neighborhood. My most memorable childhood home was just around the block from the school and church. My grandparents lived just down the street, and they actually were some of the first parishioners of the church and school. All 6 of my aunts and uncles (on my dads side) went to school at St. Pius.

I have said more rosaries than I could count, and have read the bible from cover to cover (we got extra credit in Theology class for completing it one summer). Was even part of the youth choir for the Friday masses at school. Anyone that knows me, must realize that they had to be desperate to let me squawk anywhere near a microphone. I went to Bishop Kelley for part of my high school career, another catholic school. Again with the Friday masses every week. And then again on Sundays. It was our routine. No one questioned it, no one complained...well not anywhere near our parents, grandparents, priests, or nuns anyway. Every Christmas Eve we went to midnight mass (not this new 7:00pm business, actually midnight...with all the other "good Catholics" :) ) at Monte Cassino. The choir is full of nuns...and they sound about the same as I did in the youth choir, plus about 60 years. I was confirmed into the catholic church when I was a junior in high school.

Ryan & Melissa's wedding at Holy Family Cathedral, 01/04/03

Ryan and I even got married in a catholic church. The one requirement that my dad had was that we HAD to do the entire mass for the wedding. I still feel bad for all our non-catholic family and friends that had to sit through their very first wedding that lasted over an hour! Stand-up, sit down, kneel...rinse and repeat. :) 

As I got older, my church attendance went by the wayside. Christmas and Easter were still a staple, but the weekly churchgoing was no more. I still have a strong sense of tradition when it comes to the catholic mass, but I no longer feel the need to go through the motions. This doesn't mean that I no longer consider myself a catholic. I don't think that is something that I will ever be fully "rid" of in my life. It is such a strong part of how I came to be who I am today, that I will cherish it forever. I do, however, have many different beliefs than I did back in my churchgoing days. 

As I grew up, I started to learn more about other religions/beliefs. And found it quite fascinating. Sometimes, you don't realize how sheltered you have been until you are able to step back and really take an intelligent look at things. I greatly enjoyed my Humanities class I took as a freshman in college, because it really opened my eyes to many other cultures and beliefs. See...college isn't just about cramming in as many facts as possible...it can even help you grow as a person! :)

And then, 2 years ago, we were asked to be godparents for the first time to my cousin's little boy, Logyn. Of course, we accepted wholeheartedly! But, there was a part of me that wondered what that would really mean for us, and for Logyn. Last year, my brother and his wife asked us to be godparents for our nephew, Landon. So...now we had 2 godsons. I started to wonder if I was up to the task. I never knew my godparents, they lived in Houston and I only knew them when I was an infant. So, I didn't really understand what the role entailed. Ryan has amazing godparents. They were around for all of his life. I am pretty sure that he was THRILLED when we were asked to be godparents. Of course I was excited, I just was more unclear on the entire thing. Mostly, I worried that we wouldn't be what the boys needed. That we wouldn't be able to give them the kind of guidance that I felt that should go with the responsibilities. 

Ultimately, when I came to the conclusion of what it meant to me, I couldn't have been more excited. I will be there for these adorable little boys (eventually men, gasp!) to guide them in any way I can. Whether it be spiritually, emotionally, or simply to be there for them as a friend when they truly need one. Ryan and I don't have all the answers. We never will, and we will never pretend to. But, what we can do is guide them in their own path to answer as many questions in their own way. We can be good role models. Not only in religion and beliefs, but in humanity. Love those around us, show appreciation where it is due, be respectful to others, never judge others, and never give up on our goals- no matter what they are. And most of all, help to bestow upon them the belief that all things are possible. There is no one answer to the "whys" and "hows" of the world. We are all given our own path in this life, and it is how we chose to navigate along this path that will define who we are.

change (/CHānj/): make or become a different substance entirely; transform

Ryan and I have had some difficult times these past few years. In August of 2011 we decided to start trying to have a baby. (This is not the topic of this post, but a little background is required. I will address these struggles and our journey on another post later.) Through a bunch of issues and procedures we figured out it wouldn't be the cakewalk we always imagined it would be to get pregnant. As expected, this can take quite the toll on your emotions and can spread into your physical life in many ways. 

Fast forward to 2013, and I physically was at the worst of my entire life. Out of shape, and at the highest weight I had ever been in my 33 years. I am not going to say that I was fat or obese, I am not "that girl". But, for me, it was the peak of my unhealthiness. At the time that I really decided to make a change, I was at 164.5 pounds. No muscle definition whatsoever, and absolutely no stamina or endurance. 

May 2013- 164.5 lbs

I, honestly, can't remember if there was a specific thing that happened or that I realized that made me completely aware of the issue. There was no "light bulb" or "a-ha!" moment that stuck with me. I just remember telling Ryan that I was going to make a change. And I promised him that I would not quit this time as I have so many times before. Just to be clear, Ryan has never once hinted at any issues with my physical appearance. If anything, I am pretty sure he likes the extra "junk in the trunk". :) So, this decision that I made was for me. To get healthy, for myself and for my family. For the possible future children that we would hopefully have one day. To make a positive change in my health to help to promote a healthy "system" to house a baby someday. That was my primary focus. And it still remains.

So, in June of 2013 I started counting my calories utilizing the "myfitnesspal" application on my phone. Based on my weight loss goals, my daily net calorie intake was to be 1200. That was quite the shock to my current eating habits and took some real getting used to. I also started doing the "Jillian Michaels- 30 Day Shred" video. It was a daily workout that really kicked my very out of shape butt. After about 10 days of counting calories and doing the daily workouts, I was having a few aches and pains. I was afraid I might be pushing myself a little too hard, a little too quickly. This was when I decided to start doing the video workout 3-4 times a week and working in some cardio to mix it up a little. I decided to try running. This was quite a challenge for me, because I really hated running. This distaste goes way back. In high school, the track coach tried to get me to come out for track (because I was pretty fast at sprinting...partly why I played volleyball- less running, only in smaller bursts). I swiftly declined, because...well- I hated to run.

I downloaded the "Couch to 5K" app to use to give me some structure and drive when running. I ended up really liking it, and eventually stopped doing the video workouts and was running 3-4 times per week. And yes, I injured myself. Of course. You can't go years without any exercise and then expect to be able to just jump into constant workouts without a few issues, especially at my age. I strained my achilles pretty badly. After several weeks of not running (alternating swimming when I could), I was finally able to get back into it. I ended up losing 11 pounds over about a 5 month span. This was huge for me. I wasn't on any fad diets or depriving myself anything. Just simply paying attention to what I put in my mouth and maintaining a regular workout regime.  

In November, I started to kind of plateau. The holidays were upon us, and so were all the parties and calorie-rich foods. I was able to maintain for the most part, but gained a few pounds back, then I would lose them again...repeat. In January my brother, Tim, and his wife, Kristen, told me that they and a few friends were going to do a weight loss challenge for a few months. I jumped on that opportunity right away. Knowing that it might be that little kick in the pants I needed to continue and step-up my commitment. I also made the decision to sign up for my first 5K, The Color Run, which is in April. I recruited Ryan, my 2 younger brothers, Tim & Bryan, along with their spouses, Kristen & Mandi, to join my running team. Our team name is "This Better Wash Out!" :)

Right after that time my cousin, Katie, told me about this Free Owasso Fit Challenge (boot/fit camp). I was very skeptical at first. I mean, it was free...what was the catch?! Mid-January, I decided to check it out. To put it simply, I loved it! I was instantly addicted to the workouts, and the environment. All of the coaches are so inspiring and positive, it was something I had never experienced before. The coaches are all distributors of Herbalife. They put on these free fit camps to help people get healthy, lose weight, and possibly embark on the Herbalife product line or business opportunity. And just to be clear, there is no sales pitch, no pressure to do or try the product. It is there if you are interested, and they will help to guide you through the entire process of getting healthy.

They have a "Fit Challenge" that you can sign up for. There are 3 winners: 1) total weight loss, 2) % of weight loss, 3) improvement on fit challenge from beginning (# of sit-ups & push-ups done in 2 minutes, plus 1 mile running time). Another challenge? SIGN ME UP! Apparently that is my new thing. :) 

January 2014- 154 lbs

At Challenge Start (01/30/14): (this was after doing 2 weeks of fit camp, I was 154lbs at the very start)

• Weight = 151 pounds
• Mile Time = 9:27?...I honestly can't remember what it was- but close to this.
• Sit-ups (crunches)= 54
• Push-ups = 27

The challenge reassessment will be on 02/28/14. I have a ways to go on my personal goals still! But right now, I weigh 145.5! That is 19lbs down from my original weight. I feel pretty good about it. I am going to start on some Herbalife products (hopefully they will get here SOON!) and I am hoping those pesky pounds just drop once I do. But even more importantly than any of the poundage...I feel awesome. I have more energy, I am confident in how I look, and I am happy. Above all...I am happy. Ryan has been amazing through all of this, and I am pretty sure he likes the "trunk" even more without all the extra "junk". ;)

Welcome to my blog about my "Doing Things 'n Stuff". The purpose for this blog is wrapped up in the title. Kind of a Seinfeld-esque blog about nothing in particular. 

Attention Grammar Nazis: I am not an English teacher, nor do I harp on the grammar used by others. I will mess things up, I love the comma, and will definitely use it too often. I also really enjoy...ellipsis...so get used to it. :) If you are ok with that...then please read on. 

So, my name is Melissa. I was born in Houston, TX and raised in Tulsa, OK. I attended St. Pius X Catholic School for kindergarten through 8th grade. Naturally, I progressed to Bishop Kelley for high school. Due to some unfortunate family events, which I do not plan on rehashing anytime soon, I was unable to attend BKHS for my junior and senior year. So, I went to a public school for the first time in my life at the age of 17. Not just any school, but Nathan Hale High School. Talk about a culture shock for this little sheltered, catholic girl. 

Anyway, I graduated and blah blah blah...a couple years later I met my now husband, Ryan, at OSU in Stillwater. He was a Phi Kappa Tau, the same fraternity as my older brother (and later my 2 younger brothers as well). When Jason, my older bro, found out Ryan and I were seeing each other "behind his back" he sent an amazing death threat/big brother email to Ryan that I will never forget, and always be grateful for. Luckily, Ryan survived the threats and we got married in 2003. Been married ever since. No marriage is a cake walk, but my best days and my worst days have been with Ryan at my side, and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. Maybe a million dollars...but no, probably not. ;)

We went from living in Tulsa for a minute after the wedding, to living in Austin, TX for 4 years (where Ryan is from, also his parents and sister lived). Met some of the best people I know when living there, and cherish it. We moved back to Tulsa, OK in 2006. Well...I kind of moved back. I got a job travelling to and from Houston, TX to Tulsa, OK on a weekly basis. That was quite an experience. I did that for a year. We bought our current house in October of 2007. I have a love/hate relationship with our drafty house built in 1938. Anyway...I digress.

Ryan and I have old dogs. Denali is our 8yo boxer. She is currently going through some health issues that we are unsure if she will end up with a cancer diagnosis or something else. We are hoping for the best. Then there is Tuff, our 13yo basenji-chow mix. He's a mutt of the best kind. Adopted him from a shelter in Yukon. And, I swear, he will outlive us all. Healthy as an ox...whatever that means.

So, that is my little family. I will save all the juicy details of the rest of our semi-boring/awesome lives for another day.

Thanks for reading my blog. We will see how long I am able to keep this up. :)

Melissa